December 11, 2009

Dear Addie,

Hi! This is your mama. You remember me? I'm the one changing all those diapers and getting up with you in the early morning hours. Ringing any bells? No? If it helps, I'm also the one who carried you around all those months before you were born. And most recently, the one is so smitten with you.

As of today you are 2 months, 1 week, and 2 days old. And my, how that time has flown. It seemed as though the nine months we waited for you dragged on forever and that you might never get here. And then, suddenly, you were here and its as though the clocks and calendars are all stuck on fast foward, and I'm not sure what to do to make it stop. I can't believe that I'm already packing up clothes that you've outgrown, that you're almost too big for the hammock in your bathtub, and that sometimes a 4 ounce bottle still isn't enough to fill your tummy. What happened to my newborn baby? The one with the little legs tucked up to her belly, who was swimming in newborn sized sleepers, and who slept all day (more on that later!)?

Its as though I woke up one day to baby. A real, live, growing baby! One who smiles and laughs, who recognizes her mama and daddy and Nana and turns to our voices when we come in the room. You are growing so fast! And you are such a happy girl, Addie. You love to play and talk and smile and giggle. You are a cuddle bug, too, and I am trying my hardest to soak in every minute that you will still let me hold you.

Yesterday, you got your two month old shots and it broke my heart. You cried and cried at the doctor's office and when we got home, you wanted me to hold you for the rest of the day, so that's what we did. And the house was a mess, the laundry is piled up, and I certainly would have preferred to have something other than cheese toast for dinner. But all those things are temporary and fleeting, and so they waited. They waited while you and I rocked and nursed and snuggled, until eventually, we both gave in to the exhaustion of the day and went to sleep.

As I was laying in bed last night thinking about our day I started to panic. Will I always remember our afternoon together? It seems as though the memories of our earliest days together, including the day you were born are already becoming hazy with time and sleep deprivation, and I don't want to forget any of the stories of this time with you. There are so many things that I want to tell you now, but you are more interested in staring at the Christmas tree lights or when the next bottle is coming to be too into what I have to say. So I'm writing you these letters. For both of us. So that I can remember, and then someday, so you can read the story of your life, right from the very beginning.

For now, I want you to know this: someday, you aren't going to want me to hold you all day. You aren't going to want to spend your mornings snuggled up next to me in bed as we doze nose to nose together. And someday, you won't depend on me like you do now. But I'll be there; I'll be there for you every bit as much as I am right now. And no matter how old or independent you get, you can always come to me, and I'll hold you just the same. Cause I'm your Mama, Addison, and that's just what Mama's do.

Love,
Me